I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
