you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
