forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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