he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize