If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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