my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
