she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
