He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
