You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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