I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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