a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
