My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
