i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize