I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
