I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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