guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
