I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
