I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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