u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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