He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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