hotel room ftw
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
