If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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