Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
