you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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