omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
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