I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
