She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
