How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
