I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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