im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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