God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
