Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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