hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
