i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
