i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
