and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
