Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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