I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
