i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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