I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
