The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
3pm strippers are depressing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize