you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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