I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
