he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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