That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
