Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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