Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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