Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
