You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize