it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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