Houston, we have a squirter
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
