i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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