your parents love me but you hate me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
