apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize