yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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