all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
