I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
