U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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