he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
