I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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