Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
